Any relationship needs to be worked on, but when it comes to toxic relationships that are destructive for a couple, you need to either work twice or find the strength to put an end to it. The first step on this long journey begins with the realization that you have become a hostage to this situation.
Toxicity is often covered with love and care, but almost never means love and care. The most important thing is to make a diagnosis in time and understand that something is wrong with your partner.
At first glance, a passive-aggressive person may seem like a good partner: he restrains his anger, does not show it openly, tries to be nice. But in reality, this is a trap: anger does not go anywhere, but is transforming into ugly forms. A passive-aggressive person will never say directly what worries him, he will harass you with phrases like “act as you know, you don’t care about me,” will play in silence, allegedly maintaining dignity. Remember: if you cannot openly and directly discuss your problem, things are going bad.
Your problems remain yours
Is your partner with you only when it is convenient for him and when you are in a good mood? While you have difficult moments, you are left alone with your difficulties. This is a toxic relationship, because in normal relations the partners always support each other. Whatever happens, you must be sure that you will be helped and that your problems will be common problems.
In a toxic relationship, there is no dialogue. As soon as one of the partners tries to talk on emotionally significant topics, the other simply translates the conversation or answers formally and closes again. It turns out a circle of emotional pursuit. A more disturbing partner all the time tries to make contact, and the one who avoids is all the time removed.
You do not see the future of this relationship! The situation of uncertainty of one of the partners is absolutely satisfactory, the second one lives with expectations and the belief that someday something will change, but this does not happen. The person becomes accustomed to the standby mode, and gradually his self-confidence disappears. In the future, there is nothing, and you desperately cling to the past. You have invested so much in this relationship that you can’t even imagine that you can still build something. A partner does not make any promises and does not make plans.
Of course, in jealousy there is nothing terrible, if this is an isolated case. We are all people, and sometimes we feel insecure, but at the same time we doubt the feelings of a partner. But if jealousy is an integral part of your relationship, it is worth considering. What kind of relationship is this if one partner does not trust the other?
Again, the longer we live with a person, the more obvious his or her shortcomings become. They can be discussed, there is nothing terrible in this, but in a positive way. If you are constantly spread rot, pointing to your every mistake, then it is unhealthy. If someone makes you feel useless, it is also unhealthy. If your partner is constantly annoying or frustrating about your behavior, then it’s not about you. The point is his frustration. But to convey this idea is not so easy, and at some stage it’s difficult to stop trying to satisfy a person who simply does not want to be satisfied.
You are unhappy
It would seem that everything is simple: if you are happy in a relationship, then everything is right, if unhappy, then something is wrong. Of course, no one says that you will be happy all the time, flying above the clouds, singing songs from musicals, but your partner should make you happier. If he makes you feel worse, this is a bad sign. It’s not so easy to leave a relationship when you are used to a person and have feelings for him.
In the society of this person, you feel that you are standing on the edge of the abyss, but you still try to like her or him.
You will find that you justify the partner’s dubious behavior - “this is an accident”, or “he (a) simply does not understand what makes him hurt,” because you constantly have to compete with others for the attention. It seems to the toxic partner that it doesn’t matter if you’re near or have gone somewhere - he or she has nothing to switch to the next source of nourishment.
This person replaces the whole world for you
You spend more and more time with your partner and his friends, and less with your own support network. You think and talk only about him. You are fenced off from the whole world to be available for a partner at any time. You cancel all plans and sit by the phone, waiting for a call. For some reason, your relationship requires many sacrifices on your part, but very little on the part of your partner.
I can do that, you cannot
You feel that you are being deceived, you do not get specific answers to simple questions. You know little about the life of your partner, you feel that he is hiding a lot from you, while trying to control your space. He puts the password on his phone, but is checking yours. And you know that it is better not to ask him why. He does not allow building relationships with the outside world. He always accuses or offended, you constantly have to make excuses. As a result, you do not see the future without this person. You are completely dissolved in a partner, you do not have your own interests, you live for it, at the same time you feel that you are underestimated. You can’t even imagine that you suddenly break up. You are not important to yourself; the partner is important!
Your natural qualities - the ability to love and compassion - were replaced by a comprehensive panic and anxiety. You have never cried so much in your life. You sleep badly, and in the morning, you wake up in anxiety and insecurity. You cannot understand where your former carefree, easy nature has gone. After talking with him, you feel that you are going crazy - you are exhausted, out of date. You ruin your old life - you spend huge sums, break with your friends, trying to see at least some sense in all this.
If nothing helps and you feel that you cannot get out of difficult, do not hesitate to contact a psychotherapist.